I think my blog entries are making me look like I'm neurotic or something. I like to think that I'm a well-rounded individual, y'know, intellectually, physically, emotionally balanced an' all.

Sometimes I wonder if all this thinking is normal... but hey, so many people think about so many more things.

But when you have nothing much to do, what else is there?

Do I still have an idle mind even when it tends to overthink things at times?

Overthinking gives me material to blog about... not so idle anymore.

I wonder why I blog, among all things. I like using mechanical pencils and new pens so why don't I write on paper instead? Do I like getting attention that much? Hmm... then again, maybe it's just getting the attention of people who matter that, uhh, matters.

Ahh... maybe the reason why I'm writing at all is so someone-- anyone-- may read what I have to say. Ergo, keeping a diary is out of the question.

Maybe this is just a cry for help... boo-hoo... come and save me kindred souls. Let me know I'm not alone. (ahohohoho)

And then some.

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If an artist were to revive a great song, he better make it his own or he'd be in for a world of hurt. Here are some songs which should have been left alone... alas, horrid butchers who call themselves artists couldn't keep their hands (or their voices) to themselves and hack, hack, hacked away at the wonderful wonders of ultra-super-wonderful songs.

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
      >> revived by Ronan Keating. Oh kamon. I nearly cried when I heard this one...

Kisapmata - Rivermaya
      >> revived by Yasmien Kurdi... need I say more?

Your Love - Alamid
      >> revived by Erik Santos. Kumusta naman? Argh... can making this list be more frustrating??

Tuwing Umuulan - Eraserheads
        >> revived by Regine Velasquez. Ahuhu... my ears bled somewhere between the screeching and the... screeching.

I'd like to add more... but this is giving me a migraine (in short wala akong maisip). Kayo?

Kaarawan mo pala nung Mayo
nakalimutan ko na naman.
Minsan din nakalimutan
na kita... ikaw mismong naglulan
ng kabulastugan ko.

Pero OK lang yan, pareho tayo.
Kung ano ka, ganun din ako.

Binuro ka sa kalungkutan
kalungkutang walang katuturan
paminsan nama'y masaya
masayang walang saysay

Malimit pinagsasawaan
di nagtatagal ang mga kulay
dadamitan-papalitan-tititigan
at pagsasawaan

OK lang yan pareho tayo
kung ano ka, ganun din ako.

You go on a trip with your classmates. One moment you're laughing and singing and taking polaroid pictures on the bus, and the next you find yourselves in what seems to be an abandoned classroom in the middle of nowhere, with metal collars around your necks.

Your 7th grade adviser walks in with a several armed men and tells you that you have been chosen to participate in what they call the BR Act. To put it simply, you have to fight each other to the death until only one is left.

An instructional video is played where an freakishly perky lady walks you through the whole process so that you can "fight properly and with gusto!"

The teacher catches a couple of your female classmates whispering to each other. He throws a knife which pierces through a girl's skull, instanly killing her. Rest assured, you learn not to mess with teachers again.

Scared out of your wits, you bite your lip and try your best not to whimper. "What the hell," you think, "no one can force any of us to kill..." You believe that you and your classmates will stick together and come up with a plan to get through this in one piece. You look at the fear-stricken faces and hope against hope that they are thinking the same thing.

Suddenly, one of you raises his hand and with a trembling voice he asks, "If I survive, can I go home?"

And the teacher promptly answers, "Yeah, only if everybody else is dead."

And that's when you know... you're in deep sh**.

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Ahohoho... I still can't get over "Battle Royale."

Earlier, I thought, "Shouldn't a normal person be unnerved after watching anything remotely like that?"

Ahaha... it bothered me for a few minutes, and then it went away.

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Wuhu! Enrolled na ako!! Ahahahahahaha fun! Tapos nag-dance maniax kami at nagvideoke with friends. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tuwang tuwa ako sa "Escape" ni Enrique Iglesias... basta tingin ko talaga maganda yun.

Anyway, it got me into thinking about evil...

The villain Jafar wished to bring pestilence, poverty, and whatnot to the city so evil could rule the land. I say, pestilence, poverty and whatnot are so last century when it comes to evil plots. Nowadays, it's fear not the ugly but the haunting beauty that walks among us.

If you want to turn people bad, give 'em wine, food, hot women or hot men. Give 'em botox, liposuction, breast augmentation, fast cars and airconditioning.

Give them remote control houses, high-end cellular phones, and credit cards. Give them people who say they love them.

Give them nights out, and weeks of sleep, and too much to dream about. Give them high paying jobs, business suits, and no restraints.

Give them everything they want and help them ask for more... give them more to ask for...

they'd forget about their gods, they'd twist their values, the id would override the moral arm. And they'd ultimately destroy themselves.

And the villain will sit on his throne at the top floor of a high-rise building, look down at the city through bullet-proof glass and smirk at the metropolis that did his work for him.

Nothing beats an illusion of happiness. Now, if only there was a way to rid people of that empty feeling inside... but that doesn't pose too much of a problem since people rarely listen to themselves, anyway.

I was feeling a bit sad since the last show ended so I just had to jump at the chance to see the guys*ehrm*gays again. Not everyone was able to attend, though. Many had already left for their hometowns.

Anyway, mayaman na kami. Ahahahaha andaming kita.

Sabi ni Ardynne habang pinapanood namin yung play, ang korni raw. Mas maganda raw yung live. Eh ako naman tinatawanan kahit ano, so that was that. Korni akong nilalang.

And then we had a pizza party! I had three slices... I wanted to go for four but my stomach did some thinking and decided that that could have been too much. There was fried chicken, too!

Masaya, masaya. Playbooks were passed around so people could sign them. They also served as dedication booklets of sorts.

And of course, picture taking was part of the agenda. Lalo na nung pauwi na yung mga tao... ahuhu... si Ardynne naiyak pa. Nakakatuwa talaga yung batang yun. Ewan ba... kasi ang kwela niya. Tsaka hindi snobbish kaya pakiramdam ko madaling i-FC. Humble din, super friendly. Saya saya!

Lagi ko na yatang sinasabi to pero... basta mamimiss ko sila... sobra.

I will never look at bananas the same way again...

Yun na rin yata ang huling performance namin. Pero meron namang bali-balitang gagawin ulit namin yun sa start ng classes. Half-and-half ako... ahehe masaya ako na tapos na sa wakas ang activity na ito... pero malungkot din... kasi naman ang probability na magkikita-kita pa rin kami ng mga bago naming kaibigan ay napakaliit.

Mamimiss ko talaga sila... ngayon namimiss ko na sila. Ahuhuhu drama.

Ang saya saya saya.

Nung kalagitnaan nung play, biglang nagbrown out kumusta naman yun? Dun ko talaga napatunayan ang galing mag-improvise nina Ardynne at Reighben at JF... Grabe... nakakatuwa talaga. Pati nung isang beses, nakinood ako kasama nung audience (pero nasa likod lang ako)... tawa ako nang tawa... grabeeeeeeh...

Nung umpisa nung play, nakakatakot yung audience... kasi hindi sila tumatawa... eh yung mga dating audience korni nga. Ahohoho lahat tinatawanan. Pero nung naglaon naman, nanalo rin ang powers ng mga gays at tumatawa na rin sila. Kahit dun sa mga seryosong part... tumatatawa pa rin sila.

Nakakaiyak. Hehehehe

Nung una... hindi ko talaga gustong mag-play. Isa lang yun kasi sa tatlong options na binigay samin para ma-fulfill yung requirements namin sa PI. Eh kasi naman andaming gastos, tsaka yung oras pa na gugugulin para sa production... di ba taxing?

Ngayon, hindi lang na-fulfill yung requirements... pati ako na-fulfill. Ahaha korni. Ang saya ko talaga.

I love you PI gays!!

You'll stop crying tears that don't fall
over films none too shallow
for the hopeless and the romantic
and then you'll realize that pocketbooks,
the kind you buy with ten pesos,
are comforting in their predictability

You'll stop writing poems
just to feed a dying anguish
and then you'll realize that pain
is just that. And not life.

I stood beside a metal bed with blood and water and other... stuff pooling at my feet. I spent the last 20 minutes or so massaging the belly of a woman who had just given birth.

Never in my entire 18 years of existence did I dream of getting to deliver a baby. Grabe.

Ang duty namin sa Fabella ay mula 10:00 PM hanggang 6:00 AM. Medyo nawindang pa ako kasi nung dumating ako doon kagabi, sobrang dilim sa labas (duh, Coy, duh), tapos paglabas ko kanina, maliwanag na. Ewan. Mamaya babalik na naman kami doon.

Almost eight hours kaming nakatitig sa mga pwerta (excuse me for the language). Dyosme. Ang break lang yata namin ay siguro 15 minutes na tigang moment tapos nagulat na lang kami biglang dumami yung mga nanganganak.

Gusto kong malaman kung paano ba mapapadali ang panganganak para sa mga nanay... ang galing galing ng mga nanay. Yun lang fact na natatagalan nila yung pagtahi sa episiotomy wound nila habang nagwe-wear off ang anesthesia ay sobrang kahanga-hanga.

Lupaypay kami pagkatapos nung duty. Sana maaccomplish ko yung required number ng assists, actual deliveries, at cord care mamaya. Ayoko na umulit. Ahehehe. Maciadong nakaka-disturb ng body clock.

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Napansin ko lang... na kahit sobrang ngumingiwi kami (behind masks) habang nanonood dati ng mga pagpapaanak, kapag nandun na, nagagawa naman namin ng maayos kahit paano. Kahit yung katotohanang private parts ng isang tao ang iniinternal exam namin at iniinspect, parang wala wala na lang. Ang galing galing ng clinical gaze.

Ahmm... parang... the beauty of the human body and its wondrous capabilities are best appreciated with a clinical eye. Parang sa ganoon maiintindihan na kahit ang perpektong hubog at mga mukhang wari'y nililok ng mga dyos at dyosa'y mga maliliit na aspeto lang ng kagandahan. Ang isang babaeng nanganganak ay epitome ng isang katawang nasa tugatog ng kariktan.

Ohohohoho

If you think things would be that easy... you're dead wrong. Even if I'm on the verge of not caring at all, a little payback seems too sweet to pass up. Recently, though, I realized that I'm not too bad a person to put anyone through too much suffering... but I'm still mulling the idea over. I guess the time I spend thinking about it equals the time you spend rubbing salt on your wounds and kneeling on the proverbial munggo, and irritating people with your whining about how pathetic you are and how don't want pity from anyone (which is quite pitiful). I'm loving every moment of it. Maybe I'm a bad person after all.

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye

If you think your words will suffice... you take me for a fool! I've learned from experience that I can't trust a word from you. Whatever you say and the promises you make amount to nothing. You're more of a wreck than I ever thought you were. A bigger coward than I can ever forgive you for being. So... give me something to believe in.

And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye

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The italicized words are from "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5.